Like many of its students, I have a story around how A Course in Miracles came into my life, and how I found myself on the path that I am on.  Also, like many others, this story involved a number of seemingly insignificant and coincidental steps.  Although unrecognisable to me at the time, these paved the road for the journey that lay before me.

I have been a student of the Course since 2013.  I was first introduced to it around five years earlier when I was just starting out on my exploratory spiritual journey, having come across it in writings from teachers such as Eckhart Tolle.  It was also mentioned in the various spiritual and self-help books that I was eagerly consuming in large quantities at the time.  

At this early stage of my journey, I was not ready for such a radical teaching.  So, I spent the next five years gently ‘opening my mind’ to all manner of metaphysical ideas and concepts.  I can now see this was in preparation for me to be able to embrace the Course as my lifelong spiritual path. 

I can trace the exact moment of when my life’s trajectory changed back to a decision I made when I was twenty-four.  I had been living a life which consisted mostly of partying too hard and drinking too much.  In that time, I had had a falling out with my best friend, who I hadn’t spoken to in almost a year.  We were adamant that the other was at fault and were each convinced of no wrongdoing on our own part.

After an awkward encounter down the street where we crossed paths but didn’t acknowledge each other there was a niggling voice inside me that said, “Something’s not right here.  I don’t feel good about this, in fact, I feel miserable!  I don’t want to feel this way about my friend anymore.  There has to be a better way.”  I contacted my friend, and we got together.  Without even discussing the issue at all we just picked up our friendship right where we left off.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, this desire to choose forgiveness and remove conflict from that area of my life was just the invitation the Holy Spirit needed.  From that moment onwards, metaphysical concepts, books and teachings came crashing into my life, one after the other.  Each one led me onto the next, in a step-by-step journey that was opening me up to information and ideas that were helpful for me to learn at that particular point in time.  

Starting with theories about manifestation, universal energy, and living in the now, to reincarnation, dimensions in the spiritual realms and civilisations on other planets, ideas that I previously would have passed off as complete nonsense were beginning to plant seeds in my mind.  I began to question if my reality was really what I thought it was.

Prior to this new curiosity about all things metaphysical, I had been completely anti-religion, anti-god, and anti-anything that couldn’t be seen, heard or felt with the physical senses and which seemed to deny all ‘intelligent logic.’  

I scoffed at people who were spiritually and religiously inclined and wondered how anyone in this day in age could possibly be so gullible to believe such things.  But here I was starting to crave this very knowledge, and ultimately the experiences these same people claimed were not only possible, but natural.

Then came another major turning point which I can now pinpoint as a very significant step on the beginning of my journey.  One night, whilst lying in bed reading something or other metaphysically related, I had this deep and overwhelming sense of what I can only describe as a feeling of desperate hopelessness.  

Here I had been studying all these fascinating subjects for years, and while they were all exciting and stimulating, they didn’t really answer any of my questions.  They were mostly about getting what you want in the world or making your life better, happier, more successful.  

I remember putting the book down, closing my eyes and pleading in desperation, “Why?  Why am I here?  Who am I, what am I?  And what is the purpose of all this, what is it all for?  I just want to understand.  I want to know the truth.”  Then I went to sleep and forgot all about it.

A few weeks later I went to a book fair in the local town hall.  As I was walking along the rows stacked with literally thousands of books, I came to one box and there happened to be one book sitting on top, all on its own.  

It was one of the original versions of A Course in Miracles, an old hardcover with the image of water and light reflecting off it.  Recognising it straight away from what I had read from other books, I picked it up and added it to my pile, not thinking too much of it at all.  

For the next six months it sat in my wardrobe.  Occasionally I would pick it up and read a few lines.  I had no idea at all what it was saying, but I would get a warmth in my heart and a calming feeling of peace.  Then I would put it back until the next time I opened the cupboard and would again read a few lines and get the same feeling.  I had quite an aversion to the religious tone the text took, but despite this something about it seemed to attract me.

After a while I attempted to do some of the workbook lessons.  I’d do a couple of days and then give up, having completely no clue at all what I was reading.  I did this a few times, each time not being very committed but at the same time feeling an attraction to something which I couldn’t put my finger on.  

Then one day I was looking online at some metaphysical books.  Non-committedly I scrolled down the list and clicked on a random one.  What came up was Gary Renard’s The Disappearance of the Universe.  After reading a bit about it I quickly found out it was about A Course in Miracles and immediately downloaded the e-book.  

I don’t think I have ever read anything so quickly and enthusiastically!  What I read changed everything for me.  Here were all the answers to the questions I had been asking, and it turned out these answers came from A Course in Miracles, I just didn’t understand it.  Now I could go back and read the Course and actually understand what it was saying.

After reading ‘Disappearance’ I would never see things quite the same way again.  It was like turning a key in my mind and once it was unlocked there was no going back.  Something was lit inside me, and I knew, or rather remembered, that this was my path.  

There was a huge sense of relief that washed over me with the recognition that there was nothing I had to be, do, or achieve in the world, and I was filled with the desire to focus my life entirely on this path.  I soon found out that it was a monumentally hard task, and I very quickly came up against the strong resistance of the ego.  It turns out giving up the world and your individual self as you know it is not actually a very easy or pleasant process!  

I did complete the workbook, albeit not very well.  At that time, I was very inconsistent with completing anything in my life, so just to follow through with the commitment and finish the workbook over a period of over a year was an accomplishment in itself.

The next nine years or so involved a lot of back and forth.  I would go through periods where I would dive in with enthusiasm, and then the ego would rear its ugly head, and I would have to step back a while until I was ready to go on again.  

At first, I didn’t study the actual Course itself very much but read and listened to material from various Course teachers.  Although there were many to choose from, the two teachers I followed with consistency ended up being Gary Renard, and Ken Wapnick, who was one of the original members involved in the publication of the Course.  

Through their teachings I came to get a really good intellectual grasp on what the Course was saying and learnt to understand it quite well.  The actual practicing and application of the information I was taking in required a lot more effort and dedication, and my willingness to put it into practice very much varied day to day and sometimes even month to month.  I was definitely in the stage of still acquiring information and not yet consistently applying it!

Fast forward to around 2021, where I set myself the goal to deepen my studies and really make the commitment to apply the principles in my everyday life.  I had reached a point where the knowledge alone wasn’t enough, and it was time to buckle down and practice so I could really achieve the experience that the Course was pointing towards.  

In 2022 I started the workbook again with a lot more dedication and intent than my first attempt.  Was it easier the second time around?  Most definitely not!  My resistance was still there, some days even more so than before, but my willingness to stick it out and work at it had grown.  

Even though I hadn’t felt like I was progressing much over the previous nine years, through revisiting the workbook I could see that I’d come much further than I thought.  It’s true that while the Course does save you time, while still in the illusion of time it is indeed a lifelong, if not many lives long path.

In March of 2023 I heard that Gary Renard would be in Australia doing some one-day workshops which coincidently timed in beautifully with my renewed commitment to my practice.  So, I drove the twelve hour round trip to Sydney, dragging the kids and husband along with the promise of a weekend vacation in the city, and attended his Sunday workshop.  

It was a truly inspiring day, and I was so grateful to get the chance to meet the teacher whose words had helped me most at a time when I really needed them.

My commitment to applying and practicing the Course every day has led me to where I am now.  I’m following my own inner inspiration and guidance and putting into words my journey, and in doing so, teaching myself to more fully take in the lessons the Holy Spirit is offering me at any given time.  

If anyone else happens to chance across my writings somewhere out there in the world of the big wide web, then I hope they inspire you to seek the truth within yourself, whatever your chosen path may be.  

And if the only person who ever reads these words is myself then I know that will be enough, for it is only myself I ever teach.  After all, who else could there be?  There’s nobody out there!

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