Why How You Are Looking At Others Matters
Your brother is the mirror in which you see the image of yourself as long as perception lasts
T-7.VII.3:9
Over the past few decades our society has undergone a huge transformation in the areas of self-growth and self-love, encouraging us to look at and prioritise how it is we are viewing and valuing ourselves on an individual level. The popular self-help movement has been at the forefront of this transformation, with a large amount of literature, media, and inspired teachings on a variety of topics, all centred around the importance of cultivating self-value, self-love and self-worth. This movement has no doubt helped countless people, myself included, and many have benefited greatly from applying it in their lives. What we aren’t seeing so much of however, is teachings on how we are viewing other people. How we see and think about others is just as important as how we see and think about ourselves because, as A Course in Miracles teaches, it is actually our perceptions of others that ultimately determine our own self-perception.
Like some other spiritual traditions, the Course teaches that Spirit, not the body, is the true nature of who we are. In Course terms, this Spirit is referred to as the ‘mind’. This mind is eternal, all encompassing, totally pure and flawlessly perfect. And despite appearances to the contrary, there are not many minds, but just one. It goes on to explain that this one mind appears to be in what we could call a state of deep sleep. In this state, the mind is having a dream in which it believes it has separated into many trillions of different parts, and each of these parts now appears to be having an individual dream of its own. One part is dreaming it is living the life that is currently you, and another part is dreaming it is living the life that is me. Still other parts may be having a dream of being a seagull, a rock, a lion or any other of the numerous forms that seem to appear in our world. But no matter their outer form, they all share the same foundation – they all come from the same one mind.
Now it appears that there is a world out there, and that you are a person in that world. Many other people also seem to be living in this world with you, but they are not the same as you. They are separate individuals, with bodies and lives of their own. But if you could see the truth about these people, if you could see them through what the Course calls spiritual sight, then you would see that they are not really people at all. You could see the light of Spirit at their core. Furthermore, you would also see that the light within each is not different, but is the same. It is all the light of the same one mind.
So, what does this mean for us and how we are viewing other people? It’s very simple really. If there is only one mind, dreaming that it is many, what do you think is actually happening when the separated parts of this mind go around condemning, judging and criticising the other parts? They are really just condemning, judging and criticising themselves! And this is all we are doing when we are perceiving others this way. If you are seeing someone as guilty, you will think you are guilty. If you see someone as unworthy, you will think you are unworthy. And if you are seeing someone as unlovable, you will think you are unlovable. Any thoughts you think about others is merely sending a message to yourself saying, “This is what I am!”
One of my favourite lines in A Course in Miracles comes from the section The Holy Encounter, and it reaches to the core of the Course’s teachings on this topic. It reads;
When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter.
As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself.
As you think of him you will think of yourself.
Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself (T-8.III.4:1).
And it’s in the last line that the clincher really lies – for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. It’s not only our opinions and views of ourselves that are affected by the way we view others, but our whole idea of what it is we are. When we judge other people in any way, what is it that we are judging? We are judging their actions, we are judging their personalities, their bodies. We are judging a character – a figure in the dream. This is not who they are. It is not their true identity. If we look at others and all we see is this illusion, then this is also all we will see when we look at ourselves. If you think all they are is a body, you will think that all you are is a body. And if you see only the form, completely overlooking the truth of Spirit in them, you will never remember that this same Spirit is in you too.
So, how do we change our perceptions of others in order to affect a change of perception about ourselves? How do we see this Spirit so we can remember that it is in ourselves too? Simply by practicing catching ourselves every time we judge, criticise and condemn another, and realising the consequences this has for us when we do this. We can then choose to change these thoughts by overlooking the image of the body, and replacing it with the idea of the truth instead. We do this in the mind, not through the body’s eyes. This is what it means to see with spiritual sight. It means using your inner vision to think of others as perfect united Spirit, overlooking the separation that the body’s eyes appear to see.
It’s vital to understand that this must be applied to everyone. Everyone and everything are a part of the one mind, no matter how unholy they may appear to you. “But what about the people I don’t like?” you may ask. “Does that mean I have to like everyone?” Definitely not! There is always going to be people you dislike, and sometimes even people you hate. That’s all a part of the dream script. But you can still learn to see these people differently. Think of it like characters in a movie you are watching – the movie of your life. It’s perfectly okay to dislike a character. Many characters have appeared in the movie of my life that I haven’t liked! But try to remember that the character is not who they are. It is just a costume they are wearing, and when that costume comes off, beneath it is their true identity as Spirit. Just like beneath your own costume is that same Spirit. It is this Spirit in everyone that you love unconditionally, and it is this Spirit we want to remember when we see and think about others. But it has to be applied to everyone, no matter how much you may dislike their costume.
Your true reality is a state of Oneness, as is everyone else’s. If you want to remember this Oneness, you have to see it everywhere, with no exceptions. Other people are the key to remembering who you are – they are the key to your awakening. And this is why it is so important that you pay attention to the way you think and feel about every single person you encounter, whether that be physically or just in your thoughts. So, while it is great to love ourselves and cultivate our own self-love and self-worth, we can’t stop there. We have to learn to extend it to everyone, or we won’t see it within ourselves – For you will not see the light, until you offer it to all your brothers. As they take it from your hands, so will you recognize it as your own (W-153.11:5-6).