When it comes to how we see ourselves, we are often our own worst enemies.  Few people judge us more harshly than that inner critic inside our head that tells us we are not good enough, not worthy enough, and just plain bad to the core.  Even if the world doesn’t share this sentiment, we still believe deep down that there is something inherently wrong with us, something flawed beyond repair.  Everyone suffers from this, even if they don’t consciously know it.  So when A Course in Miracles tells us that not only are we not all of these things but are in fact their exact opposite, we don’t only find it hard to believe, but think it is the epitome of arrogance and vanity to even consider such lofty notions about ourselves.

 

Lesson 93 in the workbook, light and joy and peace abide in me, addresses the notion of this poorly self-image we all secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) carry around.  You think you are the home of evil, darkness and sin.  You think if anyone could see the truth about you he would be repelled, recoiling from you as if from a poisonous snake (W-p1.93.1:1-2).  Everyone has the ego’s thought system in them.  This means everyone has thoughts that at times can range from unpleasant and unkind, to downright nasty, violent and vicious, and everything in-between.  But we think these thoughts aren’t normal, and we beat ourselves up for having them.  We falsely convince ourselves that not everyone thinks this way, and we conclude that there must be something wrong with us.  We also fear that if others were to discover what is really going on in our mind, then the terrible person we are would be exposed and no one would like us anymore.  Ultimately, we believe we are unlovable and it’s only a matter of time before we are found out.

 

If you could have the ability to read minds for just one day, you would see that everyone is going around having these very same kinds of self-judgements and criticisms.  And yes, that means even those people that may seem outwardly confident and sure of themselves.  This is because underlying this whole thought system is the same one ego, in which we all share.  The error arises when we confuse these ego thoughts with who we are.  We think we are having ‘bad’ thoughts, and that must mean that we are bad people.  We are so firmly convinced that this personality is who we truly are that we often don’t pause to consider the validity of this belief.  These are beliefs so firmly fixed that it is difficult to help you see they are based on nothing(W-p1.93.2:1).  Why are they nothing?  Because they are as illusory as the ego they come from.

 

The person you believe you are – this character with its unstable thoughts that constantly shift between lovely and terrible, kind and hateful – is not who you are.  It only exists in the mind of the delusional ego thought system and bears no reflection to your true Self at all.  The self you made is not the Son of God. Therefore, this self does not exist at all. And anything it seems to do and think means nothing. It is neither bad nor good. It is unreal, and nothing more than that (W-p.1.93.5:1-5).  So if you are not this person you thought you were, who are you then?  You are the formless and unified light of Spirit beyond the images; perfect, whole and complete – exactly the same as your Source.  This is what the Course calls Christ.  The ego’s nightmares of sin and fear have had no effect on this truth of Christ within you.  Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God.  Over and over this must be repeated, until it is accepted.  It is true.  Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God.  Nothing can touch it, or change what God created as eternal.  The self you made, evil and full of sin, is meaningless.  Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God, and light and joy and peace abide in you (W-p1.93.6:1-7).

 

This might be a very lovely thought – to think you are eternal and perfect Spirit – and it may make you feel temporarily all warm and fuzzy inside.  But our experience within the dream is still one of being a very guilty and fearful individual.  So how do we change this experience from one of an illusory self, to our true Self?  How do we actually experience the Christ within us?  We do it through true forgiveness, which is the Course’s tool for undoing the ego thought system in your mind, allowing you to gradually and naturally awaken to the remembrance of your true identity.  Through the true forgiveness process we are asked to forgive the situations and people in our life that we mistakenly think are the cause of our loss of peace.  We do this by overlooking the illusion of the ego in each person and circumstance in favour of the light of Christ within, which is their true reality.  That is, we replace illusions with the truth.  As we see this light in everyone else, we begin to remember it is in us too.

 

As we go along and continue to forgive our circumstances in the world, we simultaneously are forgiving ourselves at the same time.  This is because there is only one Spirit – there is only one Christ.  When we forgive others, that forgiveness also extends to us.  Likewise, if we apply the true forgiveness process to ourselves, we will also be extending that forgiveness to everyone else at the same time.  And this brings up another very important point.  If we forgive other people but then do not extend the same courtesy to ourselves, continuing to see ourselves from the ego’s judgemental perspective, then by doing this we will be withholding forgiveness from everyone else too.  We could have forgiven every single person or thing in the entire universe, and yet if we don’t also forgive ourselves then this forgiveness is not complete.  It’s all or nothing.  Everything and everyone need to be included if you are to learn that we really are all Christ, and that includes yourself too!

 

The exercise in lesson 93 of the workbook is a great meditation for connecting you to the truth of Christ within you.  The Course instructs us to state the following lines: Light and peace and joy abide in me. My sinlessness is guaranteed by God (W-p1.93.8:2-3).  You are then asked to put away your foolish self-images (W-p1.93.8:4) and turn inward.  Try to experience the unity of your one Self. Try to appreciate Its Holiness and the love from which it was created (W-p1.93.9:3-4).  Then remain in silence, letting any resistance gently slip away, and allowing your true Self to reveal itself to you.  Like any meditation it requires discipline and patience, and the more you practice connecting to your true Self, the more familiar with it you will become.

 

What about when the ego’s harsh and judgemental voice comes crashing into our everyday thoughts again, telling us how horrible and sinful we are?  How do we handle this?  Like we do with everything else – we practice forgiving it.  We do this over and over again, and gradually it will become easier.  One day, you will start to see that perhaps you are not judging yourself quite so harshly anymore.  The voice of the ego will gradually get dimmer and dimmer as it is replaced by your true thoughts – thoughts of unity, peace and love.  Your mind will gently open to your true Self and you will begin to experience the truth that creation is eternal and unalterable. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. You are and will forever be exactly as you were created (W-p1.93.7:4-6).

 

To learn more about the forgiveness process and how it effects how you are seeing yourself, check out the articles Forgiveness – From the Perspective of A Course in Miracles, and How to Apply True Forgiveness.